Proud of myself!

30 04 2008

In the days leading up to the SLC Headteacher’s Conference yesterday I was convinced everything was going to be a disaster and not without good reason!

Going to a wedding in Bristol at the weekend was terrible timing!  I realised as I basically just sat about in pubs and restaurants (sober) with friends all day Sunday that I find it very, very hard to do what I perceive as nothing as I was itching to get away and get some work done.  I actually found myself getting really stressed and almost tearful which is just ridiculous.  I was fine at the wedding on the Saturday as that was what we were there for but on the Sunday I just wanted to find a coffee shop with wifi and work on my presentation.

Got a couple of hours work done at the airport though and a bit on the plane although you are barely in the air long enough to get the computer on.  Got a taxi from the airport and my husband wanted something from the chip shop so we stopped there and of course not until after the taxi had gone did I realise I had left my handbag in it!  This was 9pm and I had left marking in the house to do when I got back.  Well without house keys, driving license (so address for my house), purse, phone, passport, fob and address of the school and 5 flashdrives I was not going anywhere.  I did finally get it back but did not get home till after 11.30pm and not without a lot of tears, mostly from being worried about the school!  I had not even realised till I got it back that it had my house key and address in it too.  I don’t know how I could have been more disraught if I had known that at the time but I am sure I would have been!

We have a new headteacher and she was great and let me have some time out on Monday to prepare it with the 3 children I was taking.  She had also mentioned to me on Friday lunch (so I had only worked with her 2.5 days by this point) that she had already noticed how hard I worked and it was appreciated etc so that was nice.  Practicing it at home on Monday night though I felt I did not know what I was doing well at all and that it would be an absolute disaster.

So things had not gone well and there was a huge lack of sleep invovled in these few days too.  I was not only presenting for Glow at the conference but also (and firstly) displaying, during a walkaround by the heads, work on our African rich task.  So I was there early to set all that up and had to be nice and calm through that.  Staying calm was hard when the support assistant bringing my kids in a taxi turned up – with only 2 of the 3 kids!  The other had forgotten his permission form!  My support assistant is so fabulous though that she had sorted them out in the taxi and split all the words up so I am eternally grateful to her and she was a great help through the whole morning too. 

I could have been sick before going on to speak but as soon as I started it was so easy.  I would like to know how many people I was presenting in front of – I think it must have been over 100 but I could not concentrate to do a head count at any point.  I used very minimal notes and flicked through lots of the glow stuff without a problem (I did have 3 Glow sites open to make it easier).  The kids were great and everything we said was relevant and I didn’t fluff anything or hesitate.  It felt really natural.

To put this into perspective, I did my Standard Grades just a couple of years after they were introduced and up until 3rd year have no recollection whatsoever of doing solo talks or even answering out much in class.  I was actually really shy!  So I got a 6 for the first solo talk I did and I was absolutely terrified.  I will never forget it (it was on abortion) but did quickly learn from it and by 4th year had pulled it up to a 1.  I still hated doing it though, all the way through uni and beyond I have been terrified about talking in front of others and so yesterday was just this amazing turning point for me.  I also know that I am very good at being negative about myself and so feeling proud of myself for the rest of the day was this amazing experience for me and I have no recollection of ever feeling like that before.

I even managed to keep up the feeling during class in the afternoon and then staying at school through to parents night in the evening.  It made the night for me going home, catching up on blogs and seeing the following in Andrea’s on the day:

“I felt like Caroline’s Mum watching her up there, I was pretting much bursting with pride.”

Lots of praise as well from my new headteacher and I am more able to accept it now as opposed to when Andrea was first there and praising me and I was virtually in tears as unable to accept praise at that time at all. 

So it was a great experience for me and one I would be keen to repeat, particuarly doing it about using Glow as I am getting even more enthusiastic about this and am keen to help implement/promote its use in the council and beyond.

I am planning on blogging on a lot of what I actually said yesterday with snapshots from my glow pages and some quotes from my kids which will let everyone see what they think about using it but that will have to wait until tomorrow!